An ADHD Map to the Treasure of Stress Reduction
This is a guest blog written by Thomas Conlan, one of four undergraduate Psychological Sciences students from the University of Newcastle, that ADHD Done Differently has the pleasure of working with as part of their Work Integrated Learning placement over term 1 and term 2 of 2024. As part of their placement, they have been investigating neurodiversity, ADHD, and evidence-based supports that will benefit parents/carers in raising their ADHDers.
Stress and ADHD are in theory two separate functions that operate independently of one another, with stress being a physiological response and ADHD being a neurological condition and yet… they always seem to go together which is just beyond fantastic. If you’ve been lucky enough to win the genetic raffle and get the grand prize of ADHD, CONGRATULATIONS (You’re in good company!!)
Chances are you’ve experienced stress due to your unique organisational style or because you’ve procrastinated, maybe prioritised something fun over something important or because you have completely forgotten to do something important. The stress these bring can come in tidal waves.
It’s a tale as old as ADHD, and the ability to be less stressed often feels like a treasure buried deep in the sands of a Pacific island somewhere in… the Pacific I guess. As a veteran of the ADHD experience I’m here to offer you the map to find your treasure of stress-reducing strategies, and maybe even be your tour guide for a few brief but hopefully mind-blowing minutes. This is the guide to finding that treasure. We’ll start this voyage by addressing two main areas of an ADHDers life that may require change or management to reduce stress.
1. Our Environment such as out social circle, living space, family and physical settings etc
2. Our actions, emotional regulation and self-management.
Mastering both of these areas is as challenging as it is rewarding, and as is the case with ADHD it’s hard to always manage ourselves perfectly. So let’s begin with the wonderfully unpredictable world around us instead.
OUR ENVIRONMENT
Let me paint you a picture. An NBA basketball team called the Detroit Pistons are practicing before their season starts sometime in 1986. A brand-new member of the team, fresh out of college steps onto the court, a man called Dennis Rodman, who would finish his career with 5 championships, 2 defensive player of the year awards and be considered one of the greatest basketball players of all time, all while averaging only one made shot per game his whole career. The definition of unorthodox, and no one else could imagine the career he had ahead of him, except his coach, a man named Chuck Daly. After witnessing one of his assistants trying to temper Rodman’s unique playing style, Daly called that coach away before telling him:
“You don’t put a saddle on a mustang.”
Rodman would be inducted into the basketball hall of fame because of this quote. You don’t attempt to control what is already so powerful, you simply let it loose. What does that have to do with ADHD? Well our minds are a mustang. We are neurologically different from neurotypical people, and to try or pretend we are neurotypical is to restrict ourselves, to put a saddle on our mustang minds.
This is what makes our environment so important to us. We cannot be ourselves when our surroundings do not allow us to be. This appears easy on paper, but it can be a tough aspect of our lives to analyse and even tougher to change. Let’s look at key elements that make up our own individual worlds to see where we can help ourselves better cope with stress.
Social Circles:
We’ve stumbled across our first sign of treasure, a gem that takes the form of our social circles.
The people we surround ourselves with are hugely important factors in our lives. Friends, families, colleagues and peers all influence us, and whether or not they accept our ADHD tendencies can have an enormous effect on how we manage ourselves and our stress.
There’s no doubt our ADHD tendencies can be frustrating for people around us to deal with at times, like our endless energy or interruption of others’ sentences, but one should not be subjected to harassment, humiliation, or bullying specific to our ADHD. Such an environment can create a deep feeling of shame within ourselves, and can often lead to behaviours such as masking (the changing of our ADHD behaviour to appear neurotypical). The life of someone with ADHD sees an increase in stress, we should seek out social circles who allow us to cope healthily in our own way, rather than put us down for our coping strategies.
Is this to say you should cut off all friends and family who occasionally tease you? No please don’t. Your ADHD is just another aspect of who you are, rather than a disability they are burdened with. Being close with people who appreciate who you are is infinitely valuable in reducing stress, as it means you have a support system to not only assist you but also keep you accountable.
Physical Environment:
We’re getting closer to the treasure chest, because we’ve found gem number 2! Physical Environment!
I’m sure we’ve all been told at some point in our lives that our behaviour is inappropriate for our environment, perhaps it’s saying a politically incorrect comment we didn’t have time to filter, talking loudly to a friend in a library or even tapping a pen too much when we’re bored. It happens to me almost every week as an adult, so as a kid? I’ve heard my fair share, and I’m sure it’s a common occurrence with many other families too. Now this is important because it’s understandable that we can’t always be the master of our immediate environment. Society unfortunately is not always accepting of ADHD behaviour in certain spaces, and while it should be the case that we can be ourselves wherever we go, time will have to trudge on before we can say that’s the world we live in. But it’s important that we have at least one environment that allows us to appropriately be ourselves.
Whether it’s having a gym in your garage, a room full of your favourite hobbies or just an open field where you can run as fast or slow as you wish, we need that freedom in at least one physical space in our lives. We must allow ourselves the freedom to let go somewhere safe. Doing so will allow for a reduction in masking behaviours and in turn reduce our stress.
The literature suggests that having a supportive social circle is an important factor in assisting those with ADHD develop and maintain healthy stress reductive strategies. Similarly, having a safe space for children and adults alike is important when we face situations where we cannot be ourselves. In this sense, the external world is shown to impact us in many ways, and thus making necessary changes could be a very important factor in assisting us cope with stress.
AN ADHD Individual
So that’s fantastic, we’ve sorted out our external world, we’ve pocketed away a handful of gems, and we’re closer to finding our treasure, but we’re not superheroes. We can’t just make entire cities move because of our ADHD (though sometimes on a last minute hyperfocus it feels like we could). There are moments when stressful moments occur, and we must manage ourselves effectively to deal with what may come our way. Let’s start with the basics:
Immediate Emotional Control
Impulsivity is a core trait of ADHD and this is true for how we show our emotions as well. Like when we say no to our children and they immediately scream back at us. It’s hard to effectively process and manage our responses when stress unexpectedly hits us.
How do we help better manage our responses during such moments? Well with our third shiny gem, a lovely technique used in cognitive behavioural therapy called “Metacognition” which can assist our immediate understanding of how we feel. Metacognition is the awareness of our own patterns of thinking, so if a stressful situation occurs, saying something to yourself like “I’m feeling stressed, I need to be gentle to myself” can be really useful to avoid spiralling out of control.
When applying this to children it’s a good idea to simplify this for them. Teaching them how to identify how they feel during a particular emotion is a great start. Ask them what they feel like doing when they’re stressed, and then help them recognise this by saying “When you feel like kicking, crying, hiding, chewing etc… I want you to take a really deep breath, and count to 3.”
When children can identify what they’re feeling it’s important to then help them think of ways they can be kind to themselves during these situations. Saying something to them like “After counting to 3, think about something you’re really excited to do later!” Or “Once you’ve finished counting, I want you to say your favourite things about yourself!” This eases the difficulty of a mentally challenging task, as children are more aware of their emotions and have ways they can nurture themselves.
This is a long process so be kind to yourselves too! Most adults struggle to do this so it will take time for your child to grasp such a skill.
We’ve found a large lump of gems! We’re close to the treasure chest now I can feel it!
Grounding
Commonly used in mindfulness, grounding is used to bring oneself entirely into the present moment. This is extremely useful for ADHDers, given that we often find ourselves thinking 1000 things at one time, particularly in stressful situations. Grounding can be done in a variety of ways:
Breathing– Focusing deeply on one’s breath, focusing on a slow inhale and exhale. A good method for kids is to have them place a toy on their belly, and breathe deeply to make the toy rise and fall slowly.
Physical connection – Concentrating on a very specific aspect of your body, such as fingers, toes etc, and move it very slowly while paying attention to every part of the movement.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation – Pick one area of your body and tense it as hard as you can for 3 seconds before letting it relax completely, focusing on the sensation of muscles relaxing.
Math Problems – Doing math problems in your head to remove yourself from the intense emotion you’re experiencing, instead making your brain concentrate on logic and problem solving.
Utilising these techniques will ensure that you have tools in your arsenal to cope with stressful situations when we simply have to deal with the problems in front of us in everyday life.
There you have it, the treasure trove of stress reduction in regard to both our external and internal worlds. With a strong understanding of both your environment and your internal thinking patterns, you can greatly reduce your stress in everyday life, and hopefully be a strong inspiration to others with ADHD.
So pat yourself on the back because now you can enjoy the hard-earned loot of the treasure chest. Remember, it’s never an easy fix, and it will always take time, but to be able to navigate during times of stress is a matter of practice, not something that we’re born with.
Our ADHD is a gift, and to add the skills to reduce our short-term and long-term stress is like adding salt to a steak, it just makes it that little bit better.
Photo by Ashin K Suresh on Unsplash