I love the Christmas holidays! I always have, and I always will. I love lots of family time, decorations, lights, food, baking, parties, presents, wrapping paper, and magic. It is also an extraordinary time where, as a Christian, I can reflect on and celebrate the birth of Jesus.
However, up until a couple of years ago, the mere thought of the Christmas holiday period used to leave me in a cold sweat. Now, I countdown to the holiday period where I get to spend time with my kids and celebrate Christmas. Now, I’m not going to lie; I still don’t enjoy every moment.
Being a neurodivergent mum, particularly to neurodivergent children, is downright stressful and challenging at times and I don’t always get it right! Still, there are things that I can put in place that will lessen my load.
Here are my top 5 tips for getting ADHD Done Differently in the Christmas holidays.
1. Expectations in alignment with children’s abilities
The most fundamental tip… We must adjust our expectations of what our ADHD children can do and how creative, curious, energetic and risk taking they can be.
When ADHDers get excited, the whole world might know we are around! We can be the life of the party at Christmas!
However, it is also a time that can be very stressful, tiring and downright challenging for our ADHD brains too! Research tells us that people with ADHD often have challenges with their executive functions. This includes the ability to regulate (control) their own emotions and actions, which is why there is so much misinformation out there that pegs ADHD as a behavioural disorder (spoiler alert: it is NOT!).
Research tells us that the average ADHDer will have approximately a 30% delay in their executive function abilities as they are developing. So, my 14-year-old son with ADHD might be able to demonstrate self control (i.e. regulate his emotions, stop and think before acting etc) similar to that of a 9-year-old. My 11-year-old and 10-year-old daughters might have impulse control and the ability to regulate their moods, like that of a 7 year old. You get the idea.
If I am expecting them to be able to regulate themselves as neurotypical 14, 11 and 10-year-olds could, I am going to be constantly cranky, frustrated and overwhelmed. But, if I adjust my expectations to that of a 9 and 7-year-olds, I can understand why they cannot control their emotions when someone watches something on TV that they don’t like. (Or why they eat all of their Cadbury advent calendar in one night… true story!)
I used to go into every single Christmas holiday period imagining utter bliss. The tree was perfectly decorated with my purple and gold glass baubles, presents stay wrapped under the tree, treats for Christmas day stayed in the cupboard, we’d sing Christmas Carols in the backyard, with each child playing their own musical instrument, and singing along in a choir formation. Every Christmas party we were invited to, would end with smiles and happy children.
I always felt let down. The truth is though, my kids never let me down, they just were unable to live up to the expectations that I set for Christmas. Why? Because I was placing “Christmas Movie perfection” expectations on them, that neurotypical children couldn’t even live up to, let alone neurodivergent treasures! So, I adjusted my expectations going into Christmas.
In my current version of Christmas, I am aware that the tree will probably be knocked over several times (so I now have cheap plastic baubles, my purple and gold glass baubles are safely tucked away in the roof, and my tree still looks amazing!), presents are hidden until Christmas eve so they can’t be opened, and Christmas treats aren’t bought until Christmas Eve. We still do sing Carols in the backyard, with electronic candles, while my children run around using all their energy and me smiling watching them. Christmas parties are still attended (sometimes), but we are very aware that we might need to leave early.
That is now my perfect Christmas. And my kids most of the time surpass my expectations.
What are your expectations going into the Christmas holiday period? Are they realistic and achievable? If not, what can you adjust?
I promise it will make your holiday period so much happier if your expectations are in alignment with your child’s abilities.
2. Activity First
Exercise and activity have again and again been shown to be beneficial for ADHDers. It can improve focussed attention, motivation, and mood. It can also lessen ADHD symptoms! Why? It all comes down to neurotransmitters! If you want to read more, ADDitude, has a great article here.
The great news is that exercise first thing in the morning, particularly if it is green time (playing in open green spaces like fields, or parks) or blue time (playing near water, like the beach, river or pool) can positively impact your child’s ADHD symptoms all day!
I have a girlfriend who has a son with ADHD. She tells me that on the day he has early morning swimming training, that he is the more settled all day – even when going to bed that night. I have seen it time and time again with my own children as well.
And it can be done in your neighborhood! You don’t have to put them in swimming lessons, or drive to a field! If you have a backyard and a dog, go out with them each day, and chase the dog around, or play soccer. Go for a walk to a local park. Not only will you be improving your child’s ADHD symptoms, but you will also be doing something for your health, and it will also help with your stress levels and ability to cope. It’s a win-win!
3. Preparation is key
One of the best strategies for averting holiday chaos is preparation. I know what you are thinking: I already have so much to prepare for, I can’t add anything more! And if you are like me (an ADHDer yourself) planning, organisation and preparation is extremely difficult.) I get it. But I can also tell you from years of experience, when I don’t prepare properly for the holiday period with the kids, it ends up more stressful than putting some time aside to prepare for it.
ADHDers thrive with routines. Every holiday period, my children, my husband, and I sit down together and plan our bucket list. There are a few stipulations: there has to be lots of free or cheap activities like having a picnic at a park, going to the beach or the pool or having playdates with friends. They can put a couple of expensive items on there too, such as going to the zoo, or the aquarium, although this year with the current financial climate, this might be only one thing each! Anyway, I digress!
I love doing bucket lists for many reasons:
- It allows the kids to be an active participant in the planning of their holidays!
- It teaches our children planning and organization, which our children can have challenges with.
- You get to see the places your children want to go, so if it is financially possible, you can put some money aside with a couple of weeks in advance.
- It allows me to teach budgeting and delayed gratification.
- It teaches siblings to problem solve, prioritise and negotiate, particularly when they have completely different interests.
- It acts as a basis for our daily routines, so we are not stuck in the mornings trying to come up with things to do for the days.
From the bucket list, we then allocate home, free and super special days.
Home Days
I love home days, particularly in the heat of summer here in Australia! But they can also get very boring!
So ways to spice it up are:
- making popcorn and watching a movie together – Christmas on Netflix is pretty awesome!
- put a blow-up pool on the trampoline and fill it with water, then let the kids bounce around in their swimmers. (Seriously you HAVE to try this on a hot day! It’s so much fun!)
- We also play board games. Traditional boardgames can be extremely boring for ADHDers, and alot ofthe time they can end in tears, with the board being tipped over or damaged, or all of the above! (And this is just by me! 😉 No but sustained attention and losing can be challenging for our brains. But now, there are so many active or novel boardgames too! My kids love Happy Salmon (It’s awesome!), Uno flip, throw throw burrito, Taco cat goat cheese pizza card game, and watch ya mouth. Give them a go – and let me know which boardgames your kids love.
- Make a “treasure hunt” around the house by leaving clues to a special treasure (p.s. it doesn’t have to be expensive!) We bought a pack of $2.50 chocolate coins and hid a couple of them around for each of the kids.
- Print our some Christmas Themed Photo booth printables (or even make your own!) and take lots of crazy photos as a family.
Free Days
Our free days are where we can get out of the house, but it doesn’t cost us anything (or as minimal as possible). The beach, parks, museums are always on the list here.
We did a challenge one holiday period where we tried out a different playground everyday and rated them out of 5. The ones we loved; we went back to. I also make a treasure hunt game where the kids had to collect items from the park (like leaves, rocks etc). When my kids got a bit older, we did a photo challenge. They each took their little camera and had to get photos of everything on the list.
We are lucky enough to live 20 mins from the most beautiful beaches in the world, so it is a Summer holiday favourite. It is such a refreshing and fun activity for the kids, and I find it always makes me happy just bobbing around in the water!
Super Special Days
Our super special days are days that cost money. It is something that they kids can really look forward to, and, doesn’t send us bankrupt. We have 8 weeks of holidays this period, so have planned 4 activities that cost money. That’s one per fortnight. A family of five, can be very expensive to get into places, so it’s ok to only plan non-costly activities. There are so many places in our country to investigate and explore.
I’ve included a bucket list activity here for you to plan with your children too!
4. Discuss and collaborate with your children before the event
Preparation does not only have to be in the form of activities, being prepared ahead of time, by collaboratively setting rules and expectations, as well as consequences and escape plans, can save you and your children a lot of headaches. I have always found that being proactive with my children is the best way to set them up for success.
We will always discuss weekly plans in advance to make sure our children know exactly what is coming up. This certainly does not stop all challenges, but it can make sticking to the routine easier. You can get ready for any changes to their usual routines, which of course are going to be nothing like usual leading up to Christmas. One of my daughters absolutely thrives on routine and if something comes up that she isn’t informed about, it will be extremely anxiety provoking for her.
But on top of just informing our children about the events, we also come up with plans and take the opportunity to talk about any concerns, anxieties or expectations we have. This includes the children’s expectations, concerns and anxieties as well. Things like;
What time will we arrive and leave (if all goes to plan)? Do we take our medications with us? Who is going that you know? How will you tell me that you are not feeling ok? My expectations are that I will always be able to see you. How will I remind you if you are veering away from our expectations?
Years ago, we also made up a “CODE WORD” to use as a warning, for when we were out and about. When my son was little, it was “Superman.” It wasn’t ever used as a punishment, but it would simply be said like “Hey Superman! Can you come here for a second?” and then he would be aware that what he was doing was not within the expected boundaries we had set. It didn’t embarrass him, and it gave him a warning in a nice and gentle way.
But again, come back to tip number 1. Don’t make expectations that do not align with the child. Expecting my daughter to go and play with people she doesn’t know, or making my son sit still next to me at dinner, is not ever going to happen. So think, discuss and come up with solutions to potential challenges prior to the events.
5. Make it your own
And my last point, to leave you with, before you go and plan your holidays: Christmas should truly be such a special time for your family. No-one’s family is like yours, which means you get to make up the rules. I really do love Christmas traditions, but I love watching my children enjoy Christmas, just as they are, even more.
You will never get these summer holidays with your children again. Let loose, adjust your expectations, be loud (or quiet), active (or lazy) and just be you! Just the way you were made to be!
I love Pinterest and making my house look like a holiday movie like the rest of them, but honestly, the stress, financial pressure and overwhelm that come from that for me are not worth it. I’m happy with my small, fun, loud and simple Christmas.
Photos by Jonathan Borba, Markus Spiske, Gabrielle Henderson, Ekaterina Shakharova and Dan Kiefer on Unsplash.
