Adoring everything about Christmas has been a lifelong joy for me. From eagerly counting down the days as a child to decorating our house and making Christmas treats, the season has always held a special place in my heart. And as a Christian, its significance also goes far beyond the twinkling lights and presents, it has a deeply personal and cherished significance.
Now, as a mother to three incredible neurodivergent tweens and teens, I get to see Christmas through their eyes, which brings back the magic each year.
However, amidst the joy, there’s an undeniable truth: Christmas can also be one of the most challenging times for me. Why? Because I am an ADHDer. You might wonder about how the two connect, and I’m here to explain.
The festive season places unique pressures on ADHD parents and carers, presenting hurdles like sensory overload, financial strain, and, notably, a significant challenge to our executive function skills, such as planning, organisation, inhibition, cognitive flexibility and emotional regulation (just to name a few). For me, like many other ADHDers I know, this level of organisation and planning can lead to signficant overwhelm making it really challenging to smoothly sail into Christmas day.
Let me help you with 5 strategies and tips to make your Christmas season much more enjoyable and less stressful!!
1. Keep it simple & get rid of the “have tos” or “shoulds.”
I don’t know if any of you have watched the movie, A Bad Moms Christmas? I LOVE this movie – although its defintely not one for the young kiddos! One of the main characters, Amy (Mila Kunis) makes plans to have a simple Christmas with her new partner and his daughter as well as her own two children. However, she is surprised by her very critical Mum (played by the amazing Christine Baranski) who announces she will be coming for Christmas. She tells Amy that she is ruining Christmas for her children because of her simple and non traditional plans!
One of the best things about having your own family is that you get to decide what type of Christmas your family has. We often pass down, or adhere to Christmas traditions just because that’s what we have always done, because we feel the pressure from others or because we watch romantic, or hilarious Christmas movies who have exorbitant budgets to spend on decorations and presents.
Make Christmas fit around you and your family. There is no rule book about what Christmas has to look like.
If putting up and pulling down a tree is too much for you, don’t do it! Or, decorate a tree in your garden with a few bits of tinsel and lights, or buy a cheap LED Christmas tree that you don’t have to dress. But if you love decorating, go for it!
If meal planning, cooking and organising a meal at your house is too much for you, then don’t do it! Go out to a club or pub for lunch or dinner, ask another family member to host, or ask everyone to bring along their favourite Christmas savoury item and dessert item and have a potluck dinner. If even that seems too difficult, order take away! If you are going somewhere else for lunch or dinner and you have been asked to bring something, could you offer instead to give them some money instead? Or you can grab something pre-prepared from your local supermarket on Christmas Eve to take along. But if you like cooking and planning meals, then do it!
If your child has sensory challenges and there are places, people or experiences that are stressful for them, or you, don’t go! There is no rule to say that in order to have a good Christmas you have to go to Carols by Candlelight or six different houses to make everyone happy. Do your own carols by candlelight in your backyard without all the people, noise and fireworks or give your family some dates around Christmas day that suits you to catch up instead of having to attend multiple places on Christmas Day.
It can be difficult to say “no” or “we are not doing that this year,” but the more you practice saying “no” or “I can’t catch up with you on Christmas this year, but I am available on Boxing day!” the easier it becomes.
2. You don’t need to do it alone!
One of the most life-changing things I have learned in my Mummy life, is that we were not meant to do life alone -we are designed to be in community and relationship!
Do you have someone in your life who can help you organise and plan?
It might be your partner – unless they have ADHD too like my husband! A sister, brother, aunt, grandparent, parent or friend can help you plan, organise and prioritise.
For me, it is usually my sister. She has a very logical and organised mind. (The complete opposite to me in so many ways!) But it works well for me having someone who reminds me to give her wish lists or to bring things to celebrations. She also gives me deadlines quite often (as she knows I will forget to do whatever she has asked, even after many reminders!) so I will get a text that says “I am going to the shop this afternoon. I need the kids Christmas wish lists.”
There is no shame in asking for help. Let someone help with the challenges, so you can be free to focus on the things that maximises your strengths – like Christmas craft, cooking, singing, wrapping presents, or anything you might be great at!
3. Get it out of your head to organise it.
ADHDers will often have difficulty holding things “in mind”. This is due to challenges with our executive function of working memory. I know for me, if I can’t see it – it may as well not exist. This gets me into trouble, often! Ask any of my family or friends – I will often triple book something because I have no idea of what is on my plate, or what I’ve already agreed to!
But the tricky thing for me, is that diaries and planners don’t really work, because I forget to write things in it and I forget to check it! But what does work for me, is to verbally set myself a reminder on my phone “Google, remind me a 8am to put the meat in the slow cooker please!” I also verbally add things to my calender with reminders too, so if I make plans with someone, I can put it in straight away.
The great thing about this, is that I usually have my phone with me and as things pop into my head I can just repeat them back to Google straight away and don’t have to try and remember it until I am near my planner, calendar or diary.
But with Christmas and the amount of organisation and planning I have, this can get very overwhelming. I often do a ‘brain dump,’ which is where you get some paper (or even on a computer/iPad) and just randomly write everything that comes into your head that you are worrying about or thinking that you have to do. It doesn’t have to be pretty or even organised just get it out of your head onto paper (or the screen).
Here is an example of a quick brain dump. This took me about 2 mins just to write out some things that I still need to do.
(If you would like this template to make your brain dump pretty – download it here for free)
After my brain dumps, I then like to get highlighters and highlight similiar themes in the same colour.
You can see that although there are 10 jobs for me to do, there are only 4 themes.
1. Grocery/Food Shopping
2. Presents to finish
3. Things outside the home
4. Things inside the home
I find this is so therapeutic for me and reduces my overwhelm so much. Because when it is out of my head, I realise that I actually don’t have too much to do – or at least, I only have 4 themes of jobs to do compared to 10 individual jobs. From here I then add things onto a written planner (starting with the non-negotiable things that can’t be moved) in themes to cut back on multiple trips in and out of shops and places.
As you can see from the picture above, I have grouped all my like jobs (like present shopping and dropping presents off to people) as one job. You can also see that I will need my online order ready to be picked up by Thursday, so I can have lollies and chips for our Christmas light drive around, so I can then plan to buy everything i need for the next few days then.
Everyone’s brain works differently, and what organisational system that works for me, might not work for you – BUT if you would like my free brain dump sheet and planner for 2023 -head over and download it now.
4. Create or Take a ‘chill space’ wherever you go
Christmas can often be a time when neurodivergent people go into sensory, emotional and cognitive overload, even more than what is usual for them. This is because of so many reasons, some of which are, new routines, new or less familiar people, new or different foods, new smells, lots of different sounds and bright or flashing lights everywhere we go. Add the stress or pressure onto that and we can really struggle in this season.
Every neurodivergent person will experience overload differently, so it’s important that you are aware of your own signs, particularly before they hit boiling point. It’s really important we don’t just try to push through these signs, as it can then lead to complete shutdown or meltdown.
Shutting Down (Shutdown) is a coping mechanism where you might notice the person socially withdraw, appear anxious or stressed, stare off into the distance, reduce their responsiveness, even becoming non-responsive and may not be able to communicate their needs or wants.)
Meltdown on the other hand, is usually an intense respons to overwhelming emotions, sensory or cognitive inputs. You might notice the person in meltdown to have heightened reactions, outbursts, anger and losing control. They may have a panic attack or you might notice an increase in self-stimulation. This is often called ‘stimming’ and is a repetitive movement or sound that helps the individual to self-soothe or regulate. (It is really important to note that stimming is not only done when a person is feeling overwhelmed and needs to cope! Stimming is a way of communicating, celebrating, showing joy and entertainment as well.)
Shutdown and meltdown and everything in between, can happen anywhere for many reasons. Where ever you are this Christmas season, take a little pack with you in your handbag, with things that might help you regulate.
What does my pack have in it? I always have these available in my bag: (p.s. I’m not paid by Loop, Loom to promote them, I just love them!)
– My loop earplugs – I am very hypersensitive to loud, competing noises. It makes me really aggitated and angry. Which is really funny, because I’m probably the loudest person I know, but I LOVE my Loop earplugs. They are fantastic because I can still hear what I need to hear, but at lower volume! And if I am in a place where I don’t want people to know I’m wearing them, they are so small and discrete, you can’t tell I’m wearing them if my hair is down. Although, I bought bright hot pink ones, so I’m not too worried about people noticing them!
– Fidgets – I have a whole heap of different fidgets in my bag. Probably one of my favourites for when I’m out and about is my loom band bracelet. I discovered this by happy accident, when one of my daughters made it for me and I was feeling stressed so began playing with it. I love them because they are stretchy like a monkey noodle (which are one of my favourite fidgets) and really moveable but still look nice!
Everyone is really different though. My son always takes his music and headphones, one of my daughters takes her noise cancelling headphones, pencils and an art book whereever she goes and my other daughter, will take her crochet things. They will go and find a quiet or out of the way from other people space when they need to!
When you first get to a place, if you haven’t been there before, scope out a chill space. This might be an outdoor patio, a room at a different end of the house to the party or gathering, or even a corner of a room. If you need to just sneak off and hide yourself in that space when you need a break. And, if this isn’t working, just head home! You should never have to mask or feel uncomfortable to please anyone else! Let your kids do the same thing, and advocate for them (and you!) whenever you need to!
5. Try to keep to your routine as much as possible!
One of the very first things to go out the window at this time of the year is my routine. Having ADHD, I really don’t have much of a routine at the best of times to be honest – cause that’s really boring, and I wouldn’t stick to it anyway! But, I do have things that I usually get done everyday.
Every morning I have a coffee and my medication for example. Every night time I TRY to get into bed by midnight. I always put a load of washing on first thing in the morning (while my coffee machine is doing its thing).
If we continue to do our typical habits, it allows our brains to maintain the routines, which allows us to get things done automatically (like the washing) and helps with stress management in our body!
Another reason that routine is important, is that ADHD brains really come alive with novelty. If we have lots of late nights & sleep ins, unlimited screen time or junk food then our brains get used to the dopamine hits and ‘brain rewards’ that come from that! When we then try to get back into routine (or ask our kids to get back into theirs!) of health eating, putting limits on screen time, or going to bed earlier, our brains will definetly not be happy. I find that this is so important for when we are transitioning back to school as well, so they don’t feel like school is punishment, when they have to go to bed at 8pm instead of their “holiday” 10pm!
As we navigate this Christmas season, it’s essential to remember that while Christmas holds cherished traditions, events and magical moments, it can also present signficant challenges for our ADHD brains! Through sharing some of these insights and strategies, I hope I have offered you support and guidance to make this time more enjoyable and less overwhelming for you and your family.
Remember, the beauty of Christmas lies in the joy and connection it brings, not in adhering to unrealistic expectations or traditions that don’t resonate with your family’s unique needs.
Embrace simplicity, seek help when needed, organise with strategies that work for you, prioritise your self care, and maintain elements of your routine amidst the holiday bustle.
May this season be filled with warmth, understanding, and moments that truly matter, tailored to your family’s joy and well-being.
Wishing you all a VERY Merry Christmas and a peaceful, joyful and amazing celebration.
