TIP #1 – It’s time to re-establish routines
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How is it possible to only have TEN days of summer holidays left. I don’t know about you, but the holidays have flown by. This was the first year EVER that my kids have been on school holidays and I haven’t had to work outside the home! I have LOVED it. But as the holidays wind down, after weeks of relaxation and a way more flexible schedule, the prospect of returning to the school term routine starts to raise it’s ugly head.
It’s not easy for our ADHD children and adolescent’s to head straight back in to early mornings, structured days, lunch prep, homework and lots of self-monitoring and adhering to stricter rules.
It’s also not easy on us grown ups either! Being an ADHDer myself, I have LOVED not having to use my executive functioning skills too much over the holiday period. Routine, some rules and boundaries, and even housework have well and truly left the building. And I can’t tell you how much I ADORE not having to think about lunch boxes!
It can feel really overwhelming for everyone heading back into the school term, but with a thoughtful and gradual approach, getting back into the swing of things can be an easier process.
Over the next 10 days, we will share with you our top 10 tips to get your ADHDers (and ourselves!) ready go back to school with the least amount of fuss possible (Note: I am absolutely not promising no fuss!)
TIP #1: Move [slowly] towards re-establishing “school term routines”
It can be really tempting to jump straight back into school routines when school starts, but I find this isn’t the best way to tackle school vs holiday routines for a couple of reasons.
The first being, it’s too hard! Making so many changes all at once can really make things seem overwhelming and just too difficult, so we are setting ourselves up for failure.
The second reason, is that we don’t want our children to resent going back to school! If they have been having the time of their lives in the holidays, and then all of a sudden all fun and flexibility goes out the window when school is back, it can add to school can’t and school resentment as well.
Slow and Steady wins the race!
Here are 5 steps to get back into routines!
Step 1: Reflect and Brainstorm
Before diving headfirst into the school routine, take some time to reflect on your holiday break. Identify the routines that may have shifted (or been MIA) during this time. These can be things like, bedtimes, wake times, screen time limits, home responsibilities, or meal times.
Create a list to serve as a starting point for re-establishing structure.
Step 2: Assess the Differences
Once you’ve compiled your list, analyse the current state of these routines and compare them to what routines you want to be in place for the school term. Once you understand where you are now and where you want to be, it becomes much easier to set realistic goals and create a roadmap for the gradual transition back to the school routine.
And remember, that one routine will often have an impact on other routines, so try and look at all the differences at once – not as individual routines. Get them out of your head too! Write them on post it notes, or use a computer so you can move things around to find the perfect routine for your family.
To run you through an example let’s start by looking at bedtimes.
During school terms my daughters’ bedtime is 8pm into bed, with sleeping time at 8:30pm. This half an hour gives them time to crochet, read, draw or do whatever they need to do to get themselves ready for sleep. I also love having this half hour of relaxing time, because they always forget to have a drink, go to the toilet or pack something in their bag and it doesn’t interfere with their actual bed time.
During the school holidays, I do try to keep bedtimes and wake times as close to school term routine times as possible as it has taken YEARS for us to get a good routine in place for sleeping. But it has crept out a bit to approximately 8:30pm for bedtime and 9pm for their sleep time.
This is for a couple of reasons, but one of them is that I haven’t really been getting dinner together until 7pm. So in order to get the kids into bed at 8pm, I know that I need to move our meal times back to 6:00 – 6:30pmish. And in order for me to get dinner ready by that time, I need to start dinner around 5pm.
So my goals by the time school goes back become:
1. Start dinner at 5pm
2. Eat dinner at 6pm
3. Responsibilities after dinner at 6:30pmish (washing up, bins out, compost out etc)
4. Games, reading time, walk etc with the family at 7pmish
5. Kids in bed at 8pm
Step 3: Collaborate and Set Expectations
Involve your children in the process of re-establishing routines! Don’t try and sneak routines back into place. I used to try this when my kids were smaller and it always backfired!
Grab some snacks and discuss the changes you’d like to make, BUT, don’t feel that you have to have one big chat. Try talking about one routine at a time and set some goals. Collaboratively set expectations and work together to plan how these goals can be achieved. When children have a say in the process, they are more likely to be invested in the outcome!
You could say things like: “We are working towards getting back to your usual bedtime of 8:30pm. What can we do to make it easier for you?” or “We need to be back to only one hour of screen time when school goes back. I was thinking we could start by timing how much we are on screens now and setting some goals. How would you like to work towards only getting one hour of screen time per day?”
This leads into step 4.
Step 4: Manage Expectations and Emotions
Transitioning back to a school routine can evoke a range of emotions for both grown ups and children. Be prepared to manage expectations, emotions and show empathy while you navigate and move back into your routines. Use emotion coaching to help your children navigate their feelings about returning to school routines. But remember, this doesn’t you have to change your boundaries and goals once they are set.
You can remain firm on the boundaries you’ve set while showing empathy and understanding.
You could try saying things like: “I can see you are really angry that you will be missing out on screen time. I know you LOVE playing screens. Let me know when you are ready to stop calling me names and we can talk more.” or “It’s hard going back to school bed times isn’t it. I can see you are sad about giving up some of your night time. I am here to work through it with you.”
Step 5: Implement Changes Gradually
Avoid the temptation to make all the changes at once. Instead, break down the process into manageable steps and implement one small change each day. Whether it’s adjusting bedtime, reintroducing regular chores, or limiting screen time, gradual implementation allows for a smoother adjustment without overwhelming your children – or yourself!
Reflect on the goals you would like to achieve (which you have already set back in step 2) and break them up. If I go back and reflect on my goals to have dinner ready by 6pm and at the moment it is ready at 7pm, I could break that time up evenly each day until I reach the goal. If I have 10 days and want to get back to having dinner at 6pm by school, that means I can just bring it forward by 6 mins every day until school or if I want to make it a bit quicker of a transition, I could bring it forward 10 mins each day and then we are back in routine in 6 days, ready for school!
Returning to school routines after the holidays doesn’t have to be a stressful experience. By taking a thoughtful and gradual approach, you can ease the transition for both yourself and your children. Reflect on the changes needed, involve your children in the planning process, and implement adjustments gradually. With patience, collaboration, and a positive mindset, you can establish a routine that sets the stage for a successful and productive school term.
Photo by note thanun on Unsplash
